There we were. I introduced you formally to my parents and close relatives. You’re so happy. I thought it went well but sad to say – it didn’t. My mother didn’t like you that much. My father? He’s fine with everything as long as you don’t do any stupid and so far, you’re good. I respected my parents judgment but it didn’t stop me from liking you and getting to know you more. I asked myself, “How about my friends?” We both decided that we will inform them at a later time when things were steady for both of us, your family to me and you to my family as well.
Six months and a couple of weeks passed. Cheers to our cheesy and colorful weekdays, sweet Saturdays, and blissful Sundays. That’s how you and I spent our days together. We had so much fun. You sometimes spent your weekends in our province too. We spent the whole Saturdays for ourselves doing non – sense stuff. You being completely aware of how I was raised – you respected and treated me well and I salute you for that. If you know what I mean. You always asked permission from me if you could hug or kiss my forehead. (Which I think is still the proper way of treating a woman until now, right?) How much you love to share your days went, about school, your friends, and your family. You love to plan things too. Like how we should spend our next Saturday or a day before that. And honestly, it made my heart flutter with so much joy knowing that you always include me in every little thing that you do. And I was doing the same thing to you too.
There where days when my friends would asked me why I was so giddy reading my text messages or how excited I was going home after a long day of lecture but I couldn’t give them an answer yet. Until finally I did, out of nowhere – I told them about you. I thought they would be surprise and angry but expectation versus reality was indeed real. They were disappointed because I hid something from them for a long time and not because it was you. Maybe a bit because again, we’re common friends remember? Small world should I say. But they did not oppose that much. They still supported me even though they have their own speculations about how our so called relationship would go through or end? At least, they’re being honest which I did not feel sorry or angry about.
Another six months passed. But this time, we’re now out and more open with each other and with the world. We sometimes invite our friends whenever we want to eat or go somewhere. Sometimes our friends would also do the same for the sake that they also wanted to get to know us more. And of course, we spent more time with our families too. It was amazing. Truly was.
But. *Long sigh*
Our story was not like Ariel and Prince Eric and other fairy tales that will always have a happy ending. Our relationship was then tested by so many ups and downs too. We survived some. Fought a bit about it. Struggled and then worked things out after. I told myself that it was just part of everything. I saw you grappled so hard to let my mother and friends see your worth. I took the risk of letting my family (especially my mother) and other friends see that you can be someone worth fighting for. I truly did. We still hang on and stood still so I didn’t thought of the worst.
But there came our impending doom. That day, you and I went to church and attended mass together. We weren’t talking which was sort of a pain in my system for it was pretty unusual but I let it passed. We acted like it was something that can be easily fix. But it wasn’t. Night time came, we made an effort to patch things out but it was you who made it or should I say the one who caused it. You did something that I believed you truly didn’t mean to do but still it happened. Something that I couldn’t take. I told you long before how considerate and understanding I was and still am. That I trusted you wholeheartedly but you failed me. At that point, I knew that I have no right of asking you why because I wasn’t yours to begin with. But you gave me the permission to hurt you, call you names, and worst hate you. And again, I couldn’t. You asked me why but no words came out from my mouth. I didn’t cry either. I just listened to you. You cried so hard. It really was your day and your night too. You asked me to say something but I didn’t know what’s in my mind that night. All I know was I couldn’t feel anything. I was so numb. Just that.
Finally, I told you to go home and that things will be okay after. But at the back of my mind, I knew it really was over. Dead end. You insisted to stay but I let you went home without a word. My eyes followed you as you were slowly walking far away – away from me and from that very moment, inch by inch, reality hit me. It was like there’s a knife cut deep down through me. That was the time that I felt something, an overwhelming pain. It was very excruciating, I couldn’t breathe. I frantically went to get a glass of water hoping that it will be alright but I was wrong.
Pain overruled. I didn’t resist it. In fact, I let in – all of it. I didn’t tell my friends or my family. I did it solo. You called me a couple of times, texted and chatted for a week and another week, and a week after that and where was I? I was there, staring blankly on my phone waiting for the ringing tone to stop until maybe, just maybe you got tired.
Days and more weeks passed. It was already almost 5 months. I told myself, the end. But you suddenly caught me off guard once again. You and your white tshirt and black jeans was standing still in front of our house. It was already late. I took enough courage and led you to our favorite place, it was cold back then and quiet too. You reached out for my hand and gave a piece of paper. A torned page from a book. I could still remember what was written on that page. It made me cry so hard. We both cried. We hugged. You kissed my forehead and told me how sorry you were. That you didn’t mean it. But you also knew that I wouldn’t be able to have you back in my life again. No words needed. I just stared at you. Hugged you tightly for the last time and kissed your cheek. I whispered to your ear the words that you always hear from me every time you’ll go home. Then tears hurriedly fell from your eyes. It was so tormenting seeing you in that condition but that didn’t change my decision. We were then an inch apart just staring at each other with tears in our eyes and a heavy heart but despite that short distance, it felt like a lightyears away. The hollow in my heart got deeper and deeper but I know that the choice I made was right.
I looked at you and I asked you again if you could do the same for me. That we should end things right, no regrets especially for my part (I don’t know with you), just better beginnings. No remorse though pain was still there (which was normal during that time). You didn’t say a word. You just hugged me and there I felt for the very first time – there comes the closure that I have been waiting for. We both stared at each other and gave ourselves a contented smile. A smile of relief. A very genuine one. Tears stopped falling. Pain slowly vanished. The hollow in my heart was gone. Another good sign. Acceptance made it’s way to my heart. Heaven heard my deepest prayer and I finally got it.
It’s been what 5 or 6 years? I really don’t know how many years have passed. See, we’re still friends. We had a clean ending with better beginnings though we took a different path and not together but we made it through. Something that we both are thankful for. Our past made us stronger. I’m glad we did. Thank you my dearest old love. We had our time before and chose to end it. There was a reason for it. 🙂