As random as it is.

Time Check – 12:48 PDT.

Long sigh.

Boredom strikes again.

At the moment, I’m listening to a korean song “What if I Have a Lover” by GaYoon and YoSeob. I’ve been searching for this song in Youtube after an epsiode from We Got Married where Joy and Sungjae sang this in a music room. I even looked for the English translation of this song and I fell in love with it. It is sweet and the melody is striking. Why am I streaming during training hours? Well, we are allowed to do so.

Seriously, I’m bored and feeling exasperated here. I’m just literally facing my pc and doing nothing instead of memorizing my script for the training since we will have our post – assessment. (I truly hope I will pass). While listening to this song over and over again, I decided to check on my unread mails hoping to get something interesting or catchy to ponder on to. Was I able to find one?

YES. It’s from an article from Thought Catalog entitled “50 Brutally Honest Questions You Need To Ask Yourself Before You Can Fully Feel Committed To Someone Else” by Ariestman. As I was trying to contemplate on the 50 questions, I then challenged myself to answer them one by one. Not for the sake of ‘just’ answering the questions but I am curious to know my own answers too. Would it be so cheesy? Serious? What would I feel after? Would this make sense once I will be ‘in a relationship’? Well, I ‘ll just give it a try. 🙂

Here it goes:

  1. Where do I actually want to be in five years?

I would be 29 years old by that time and I am seeing myself as a happy and contented wife and a mother of one with a responsible husband, a loving mother, a career woman, and lastly, I am still helping my family (in a good way) even if I already have my own. Wish I could state it like this but reality wise. I think I’ll be able to get married by the age of 30 or not beyond 34 years old. Why? I still have a lot of plans for myself and for my family. I’ve seen a lot of people on their 25 – 30 years who are already successful and there are also others who couldn’t stand on their own feet just yet. What I’m trying to imply is that, there are still lots of growing up to do, coping with the new generation’s fast – pacing environment, the demand is so high and that means that we should align ourselves to it. I know that it is no “a must” but I believe that it’s worth trying to. So 5 years from now, I’ll do whatever it takes to accomplished my plans and become that woman I first envisioned to be.

  1. What three things do I currently prioritize in my life?

As of the moment, I am prioritizing myself, my family, and my career. Too mainstream, right? I guess – I am. First, I have to focus on my personal issues. Issues like defeating my own inner demons (doubts, fears, worries, anxieties) and start standing for myself when nobody else will. Second, make stronger connection with my family. It’s not that I am not having a harmonious relationship with them; it’s more on re – aligning myself again with the principles that I grew up with and make them understand and see the good side of “change”. That there are far better things that could happen if we just open our minds to the possibilities of accepting things (especially for the uncontrollable one) and just start anew. Too easy to say but it’s worth giving a try. Third and last, thriving to get closer and closer to my career. That I should be working in the hospital and not in a back – office job. That I should make use of my knowledge that I learned from my 4 years in college to a more suitable and appropriate environment. I believe that you understand what I’m trying to point out with my life. Are we having the same priorities too?

  1. What things do I want to prioritize in my life as I continue to grow?

Morals and a good sense of understanding about the world that I am in. I am not perfect. We all are. But the Earth is not revolving just for me and my story, not even yours but for all of us. So as I grow up and become a better version of my old self, I will do whatever it takes to stay true with myself, abide to the morals that I stand for, and develop a more reliable and well-versed sense of understanding with the world despite the drastic changes and the challenge of finding one’s identity when everything is trying to ‘modify’ who we truly are.

  1. What are my career goals?

I really wanted to pursue working as a professional nurse. The Lovely, who aims to work in the medical field, practicing and continuously learning on how to save a life and I will definitely get there. *crossing my fingers*

  1. What am I willing to compromise on for a relationship, and where am I unwilling to compromise?

To compromise in a relationship is a factor to make a relationship last longer. I mean, not just in a romantic relationship but in everything. Adjusting one’s needs and demands is not that easy but it can be work out.  And in my case, I am willing to compromise my time and some norms that I valued for in a relationship in order to meet you halfway. Yes, you read it write. I will open my mind and try to understand your side, your cause, your point. For as long as it would make my relationship with you into a healthier, stronger and more stable than it used to then I am for that but if it’s the other way around. I will definitely say “No” to it unless, you also meet me halfway.

  1. What do I love to do when I’m alone?

I love to ‘space – out’. HAHA. Kidding. I mean, I love to spend time doing something that is related to art. I would be composing and writing articles, poems; reading inspirational books (or other books that I love though like suspense or science fiction would count), coloring my adult coloring books; or just singing my hearts out while cleaning the bathroom (it would be fun).

  1. Will I push myself to take “just for me” time even when I’m living with a significant other in the long-term?

That is something that needs a lot of thinking time for me. I am an idealistic type of person but I have “most of the time” keep myself on track with reality. And if that time will come that I will have to choose between myself and that significant other with the probability of leaving him in a long – term case, then we have to settle on an agreement. We, so that means me and him should make a choice (a mature decision) if it could be healthy for both of us, not just for me.

  1. Am I the type of person who pushes friends away when I get into a relationship?

No. In fact, I would love to engage myself more with my family, friends and my support system. Why? It would be a better place to live if you are surrounded by the people that you love and loves you, don’t you think? Because I do. 🙂

  1. How do I show my friends and family how much I value them on a regular basis?

I usually call and text my parents like “I love you”, “Pray always” or “Take good care”. I am sweet like that and very expressive too and I am not ashamed of it. I buy and offer food to my friends. Treat them with something that they like (if my budget allows me too). Be like a sponge or pain absorber for them, I would. Do favors and errands for them especially if they are sick or so messed up with problems. And if situation calls me to give them a good slap in the face (not literally), like pulling them back on track with reality then I would unless they truly need to have a good “wake – up call” then maybe this time, I could possibly slap them in the face.

  1. Do I prefer recharging on my own or with someone else?

Honestly, both would do but I prefer bouncing back on my own more. I find solace when I do some “me time” communing with my inner self and just reflect on the good side over the bad side. I’d rather not share it with them and just keep it to myself when I can feel that my friends are also having some rough times.

  1. What qualities do I value most about myself?

I care a lot. Like a lot. To the point that I sometimes see myself in a not so good situation. But then life goes on.

  1. What do other people value most about me?

That is something that I am not so sure of. But the people around me keep on telling me that I am quite serious, very motherly (like I said, I care a lot), idealistic, too good to be true (well, I am good but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be bad so this is a FALSE), and loving. Well, I guess they are right but I am still a work in progress so they better keep an eye for more. So am I too.

  1. Am I able to admit when what’s best for someone else isn’t what’s best for me?

Big YES.

  1. How often can I afford to go out with my significant other without overspending on my end or theirs?

Just “enough”. Please don’t get me wrong with this but I am not on the materialistic, luxurious way of making you feel that I am indeed in love you. Love can’t be quantified. *note with sarcasm*

  1. What scares me the most about being in a committed relationship?

Losing my own beliefs and principles in the process of loving too much.

  1. What has kept me from commitment in the past?

Time and trust. With time, I can literally work out with it but with trust, I still have to think twice. I just don’t need consistency or stability in a relationship. I always pray for someone whose intention is genuine and fair. I know that it’s quite difficult to find someone with this kind of disposition but I hope that someone like him still does exist.

  1. What has pushed me into committing too quickly in the past?

I’ve never been in a relationship. Uhm. To be specific, in a labeled – kind of relationship. I’ve dated a few, the longest was 2 years. I really don’t want to push myself to be in a “coercive” or “fast – track” kind of relationship. The only mistake I did with that 2 year – long dating status was that I didn’t give too much effort in reaching out to his circle of friends. But the real reason why we ended it because he cheated on me. We got broken. We tried to fix it. We both moved on. End of the story.

  1. What are three non-negotiable that I need from a relationship?

TRUST, RESPECT, and VERACITY. I don’t have to elaborate on these three. For me these three values should be constantly valued and practiced in a relationship.

  1. How do my ex(es) still affect my emotional life, if at all?

Nope. Wish I could say it like that.  But I don’t have an ex – boyfriend to refer it to so I’ll just make mention of that person who broke my heart for the first time. Yes, before. It took me a year to really accept that he belonged to somebody else. (Such an abnormal grieving process, don’t you think?) And yes, he did affect me that much. Made me hit the rock bottom in a drastic way. But that was all in the past. Like I said, we both moved on. We’re still friends. And we even prayed for happiness and contentment for each other. There are really stories that end like this, like ours.

  1. Do I feel secure and validated in my own skin, or do I still crave a significant other’s approval?

I don’t want to be hypocrite. I love the feeling of being appreciated and noticed but if the main question is do I feel comfortable with my own skin – well, yes I am. *with conviction*

  1. When do I rely on others to motivate me, and when am I able to push forward and motivate myself?

I can rely on others to motivate me when I need some good and friendly advice from them. Hearing their side and allowing them to point out some strategies in solving my issues and honest responses and opinions straight to my face for me to think over. Though not all the times but consulting with them is truly a good help. And I am able to push forward and lead myself for the better when I find it hard to really settle. Well, what I’m trying to say is, I have to uplift myself first before anyone else. I should be my own hero.

  1. When a situation escalates, how do I diffuse it in a productive and conscientious way?

As much as possible, I try to face it with a steady heart no matter how vulnerable I am to it. I am not saying that I won’t be affected (Hello! Human din kaya ako) but I try to openly welcome problems and not avoid it. Just solve it one by one, if it is something that is controllable and as for the uncontrollable one – I lift it all up to the Man above.

  1. What is one major issue that got in the way of my last relationship?

Uhm. *clear throat* Aside from the fact that my mother and closest friends were not into that person I dated which makes it a big issue, some of his exes kept on stepping in and out of the story. But I didn’t mind at all and that was also an issue because he wanted me to get jealous and demand, he wanted me to ask questions and investigate and I am not that kind of woman. I am easily jealous, I truly am but maybe I was just too blinded by the fact that we didn’t have a label so being jealous or demanding were not on my list. End point – TRUST issues.

  1. If I could do it again, what would I change about my behavior in my last relationship?

I honestly don’t want to bring it all back. I’ll just do whatever it takes for me to be more open – minded and expressive about my thoughts and feelings whether it’s favorable or not in my next relationship with someone, with you. A labeled and genuine relationship.

  1. How much do I care about what other people (specifically my close friends and family) think of my relationship?

I listen to their backlashes, honest feedbacks, and straightforward comments because I value and respect them. But I am always the hardheaded one, so most of the time I go against their views. I always give a benefit of the doubt to a person, knowing them on a first – hand basis. And my family and friends may not agree with it but they still support me though.

  1. Would I be willing to lose friends over my relationship, and if so, why?

No. Losing my friends in the process of me getting in a relationship is literally not my style. I may accept the word “distance” for a given time frame but to really lose them for real? Sorry Dear Future You, if we really are meant for each other then we will be together eventually.

  1. If I were ever in a worrisome situation, would I work to extract myself, or would my love for another person cloud my judgment?

Both. I would try to set things in a more open way of thinking, not rushing on decisions that could worsen the situation. I would try on ways to get to the center of the problem and try to fix it, solve it while I can and while I am able to. But if it’s too much to handle and the reason is too obvious, I’ll make it to point to talk to you and come up with a solution.

  1. How would I want a significant other to define “commitment” in order to align with my definition of commitment?

Hmmmm. As much as I would like to envision him to value “commitment” as something really important but I will just trust my intuitions and I’ll keep my faith up that eventually you will, in time.

  1. When I’m angry, hurt, or upset, am I more apt to become withdrawn, or face the problem head on?

Both but I am more on facing my problem on a steady pace, analyzing and keeping my cool no matter what.

  1. If I’m someone who refuses to confront my issues, what prompts me to discuss things openly with someone else?

I approach them privately. Let that person knows what I feel about the situation and give him / her enough time to express his / her thoughts. In this world where everyone is trying to fit – in in a situation no matter how unfavorable it is for their end is really common but I don’t want that to happened to me. If I want to say something because I believe it is the right thing to say then I would because I don’t want to regret not saying it in the end.

  1. Is money something that matters to me in a partnership?

No, because what truly matters in a partnership is the mutual understanding and respect that we have for each other, money will be a thing but it is not something that we both will die for, right? It’s a two way process. Let’s both work it out. 🙂

  1. Would it make me uncomfortable to be bringing in more or less money than a significant other I was living with, or a spouse?

I value equality so much and I believed that what I earned is yours and what you earned is mine, what we will earn in the future will be “ours”, so why feel uncomfortable?

  1. What are the essentials of your daily routine?

Essentials? Hmmmm. I consider having a balanced time / schedule in doing my chores would really be important. Not too dragging, not too pushy, just right. 🙂

  1. Are you set in your ways, or are you malleable and willing to be pushed around?

I am open to change, that’s what we are created for. Embracing change, value whatever learnings we get from it, and keep moving forward. Comfort zone is alright but too much of it is not.

  1. If you’re someone who often defers to someone else’s preferences, what specific methods do you use to assert yourself and make sure your needs are met?

We have different preferences but if that someone prefer me to be that kind of preferences of his then we have to settle it out so that I would be able to understand the “whys”. I would probable make any changes as long as it is reasonable not just for me but for both of us.

  1. What typically turns you on most during sex, and are you okay about providing someone with direction?

*Clear throat* What turns me on? I definitely don’t know yet (I might try to venture that out in time)

  1. Are you a morning person or a night owl?

I am both as long as my body clock allows me to but most of the time since I am working on a night shift, so I am a night owl.

  1. Are you neat, messy, or somewhere in between?

I am a neat person with a twist. HAHAHA. I can be messy sometimes.

  1. Do you need someone to have certain religious beliefs to see a future with them?

I strongly hope YES.

  1. What role does alcohol, caffeine; weed, drugs, etc. play in your life? How would you react if someone was more or less dependent on a substance — any substances — than you are?

I don’t think that I am dependent to any of these and definitely not in the future too. But if you happened to be dependent to any of the above – mentioned then we really have to talk things out in a very responsible and mature way.

  1. What do you physically need from a new relationship? Are you saving yourself, or do want to be having sex seven times a week?

Saving myself, from what? This makes me wonder. Anyways, I am really rooting to have a long – term relationship (who doesn’t want to?) but Yes, I want to save myself only and solely to the person that I will be marrying to but if situation doesn’t allow me to then there’s got to be a reason for it. J

  1. How much PDA are you comfortable with? Does the level of comfort change when you’re around friends, versus around strangers?

PDA? Hmmm. Being romantically attached to someone should have limits. I mean respecting each other’s space. But I must admit that I really am a very affectionate person, hugging and playing with your hair are my most favorite, oh staring your eyes would also be included but don’t worry, I know when to do those romantic moves and when not to.

  1. Are you all for inviting porn, sex toys, or other things of a similar nature into a relationship?

That I will answer when I am already into it but for now. *keeping my mind open*

  1. What are three characteristics you have that no one would expect about you after only meeting you once?

Sleeping rituals, food preferences, and secret talents. HAHA.

  1. Is there a pattern in the men or women you tend to date? Are they always tall, short, funny, family-oriented, and bad for you, etc.?

If my friends would be the one to answer this they would literally choose the latter, the “bad one for me” kind of people. I don’t know but what I am sure of that they have something “catchy” that made me want to know them more despite other people’s judgment or their pasts.

  1. What are your political preferences and how strong are they? Are you willing to date someone (especially seriously) who have opposing political values?

I am not really into politics but as long as the system is clear and my rights won’t be judged. Dating someone who has opposing political values is a good challenge but I don’t think it would create such turmoil in our relationship.

  1. Why do you want to find a partner?

Why? I have to figure that out myself because having a partner means stability and compromising and respect and a lot, lot more.

  1. Are you tempted to take relationship steps because people around you are taking them?

NOPE. Love is love. Being in a relationship is not a competition so why hurry and besides, I have my own preferences, we all do.

  1. Do you embarrass easily, or are you the type of person who instantly wants to show people the good and the not-as-good parts of themselves?

Yes but I am not on going to pretend. I’ll continue to be who I am. I am not perfect and definitely not flawless but what I can assure is that I will always have an open – mind to everything whether it is favorable or not on my end.

  1. If something is preventing you from putting yourself out there, or opening up to new love, what is it? And what are you doing to challenge that?

No. I have always been honest with myself that I am open to embrace it. But yes, there will be challenges and I believe that it’s normal. I am up for it! 🙂

I know right. It’s kinda lengthy but I truly answered all of these questions heartily. #ganoin! Did you enjoy reading? Why don’t you give it a try. Who knows you might be surprised by your own answers. 🙂

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