Today’s not a good day but not the worst either.
Why? Well, I was having a hard time tucking myself to sleep because of three petty reasons: first, because of the noise brought by the sewing machines in our shop and people chit – chatting and laughing so hard like as if their jaw would drop to death; second, because of the blowing horns of the vehicles outside (problem of living near the street would understand) and lastly, my guy bestfriend whom I truly considered like my blood brother for 9 years is nowhere to be found (though not literally).
Well, the first two problems are somewhat manageable. I can just end my agony to that by listening to stress therapy music or rock music. Upbeat songs would lessen my feeling of anger actually. HAHA. But the third concern is somewhat bothersome. Why? I honestly do understand that my bestfriend is “in a relationship” right now and I have so much respect for his status. I even encouraged him to speak out and be in a relationship first before me because I have witnessed the pain he’d been through and with that I know he deserves to be finally being happy with someone else. Sisterly love it is. But letting him dodging me for about 2 months already is not a good thing. Is it? Don’t you think?
Just to clear it all out, I am not jealous. I wish I am. It could have been better if I really am jealous because he is used to it (for silly reasons like him bullying me, me bullying him, not texting back on time, buying stuff that are not good to use, not inviting each other on a barkada night – out, and us not telling each other about stupid life events no matter how random and senseless it could be) but him “staying away” as I call it is totally disturbing.
Maybe because I just got used to the “old him”. My mother once told me that I should not invade his personal life and relationship because maybe his girlfriend is not “into” the idea of having her boyfriend having a girl bestfriend. Like seriously? When in the world did I do that?
I never did. Oh! I did once but I definitely would never do it again. That was a way back and we both learned from our past “wrong moves” should I say. Moves like giving advices, bridging me to the guy, me bridging him to a girl, doing sweet stuff as a gift to our so-called partners, yes, those little things. But this time, me invading his personal life especially his love life is not my scope to deal with anymore. He is all grown up and already matured. I believed he is. What I usually do for him is just listen and give constructive and smart feedbacks if there’s a need for me to do so and he also does the same. We always do that.
What bothers me is that it’s been 2 months and I’m not hearing anything from him. No text. No phone calls. No FB messages (though he is online most of the time lately because his girlfriend uses his account). We haven’t seen each other for a while too. My friends and family are asking me about him about his whereabouts and how he is doing but how will I know? I’m not a GPS tracker. *Long sigh*
What I know is that they had a kiddie fight with my other bestfriend, just a little misunderstanding but what I don’t understand is “Why am I included in their rift?” It’s somewhat frustrating. I did nothing bad. I wished he knew. As much as I wanted to reach out to him through Facebook but I don’t want to because his girlfriend usually open his account. I don’t want to create a commotion. Just stating a fact. I’m also a girl.
I still sent him things that I find cool or shareable though even if I am not getting any responses from him over SMS. Things like me transferring to a new account, me bringing Munchy to the vet, my sister’s wedding which I am not so sure if I’m included or not, me having quality with Mama and talked about love life which is rare to happen, me calling my Papa most of the time and discussed about my whereabouts and him joining in politics (which we both strongly disagree doing except that he is all heart hoping for me to be in a relationship already), me blogging, me going out with my team mates in an island hopping activity, and a lot, lot more.
Those little things. Silly things. I missed it so much. I miss it. I miss my bestfriend who is at the same time acts like my brother, father, boss, and comrade. I really do.
P.S. Should you happen to read this I need you to know that I am, still am, and always will be just a ping away. I can feel you’re troubled lately through your FB posts. So speak up. I’m just here to listen. 🙂