1st of March.
Warm and witty Wednesday to you little young ones. It’s my last day here in the office *though I still have to work later for my Wednesday shift* and I am seriously emotional about it. Anyhow, it’s another Who – goat Wednesday segment for today and I’m going to share a piece from Lang Leav’s book ‘Lullabies’ entitled “The End”.
Why this piece? Because it reflects here that whatever kind of love that you have right now whether it’s a love assumed, a secret love, a one – sided kind of love, a love that can never be, a love that was, a love that should have been, or a love that was taken for granted could really affect our judgment and feelings. How it cuts deep from within no matter how hard we fake it.
Feelings. Something that we could not control. For we know that there are things that we could hardly explain in words and only in silence could we deal with it more. Then it’s alright. But it’s never wrong to express your heart as well and I pointing out those gutsy people, those brave heart out there who would rather show what they truly mean rather than keeping distant. If it would help you feel better, go on and let the Earth be your eyes and your ears.
And in this piece he said, “I don’t know what to say.”
I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
It could be through words like saying it personally or by the way he acts towards you but nevertheless, the thought is still the same – He doesn’t know. If you hear someone say these words to you, how would you interpret? How would you react? Would you respond the same way as the girl did in this piece?
Because I could still remember that I have blurted these exact words to someone. It was all in the past now and that someone is still and will always be a dear friend to me. But yes, I told him that. But the Man above knows too well that I did not intend to hurt him. I was just caught off guard. I felt betrayed. I was amazed but was taken aback at the same time. But then again, we both let bygones be bygones and we are good buddies until now.
But if you were to ask me if somebody had ever said those words to me? Maybe, yes but not the exact words though but with the same thought and intention. And I was flabbergasted and bothered. Because I have thought that we could happen but we didn’t make it. I doubted and questioned myself. Was it painful? I was so sure as fudge that it was very painful but I survived. Life must go on.
And here the woman answered, “It’s okay – I know what we are and I know what we are not.”
Big word. But is it really okay to be okay about it?
Like honestly, I must say – IT IS NOT OKAY.
Disclaimer: Though it differs on our coping mechanism but damn nothing worth having comes easy and if you believed that that love was worth having and then lost it, it would definitely hurt like pretty seriously. And the fact that a piece of you is shattered into pieces somewhere inside then ‘being okay’ will not be part of the options just yet. Pain will be too consuming, suffocating but eventually after a long, long time of thinking, of prioritizing yourself first over anyone and anything worldly, and of loving yourself back again – acceptance will flourish naturally.
And I must say, it is not easy but if you love yourself more and more then you will truly know that you are worth fighting, worth loving, and worth living for. And yes, it is not okay at first but eventually it will. It takes time and enough courage to see the good despite that heartbreaking experience because wallowing over the things that we can never take control of is a legit suicide mission. Do you agree?
And yes, we may have different ways of describing the severity of pain, we have our own ways of healing, and we have our unique response towards becoming better and better day after day but the most important thing that we should keep in mind is that we learned from it.
Hugs and kisses and everything nice,
From Your Pandora ♥