It’s almost evening so good evening little young ones. How’s your Monday going? By the way, it’s Labor Day today here in the Philippines. So to our hardworking and responsible fellowmen out there who always aim to give their very best to make a living for their loved ones – I have so much respect to you guys. To my parents and to myself too. Let’s tap each others shoulder for working well, surviving each day, and of course for living the life we aimed for ourselves.
And while others are enjoying their long weekend at the beach with their significant others, or maybe venturing another undiscovered islands with their teammates, or maybe surpassing another death-defying treks with their squad – here I am in my small, slightly dim, and quite messy room and I am trying to work on my time. Staycation at its finest! I’m honestly trying to be productive but it seems like I’m not doing a good job for today.
My body’s aching *my neck and back to be specific* and whatever I do requires me to exert too much energy which I feel and I am 100% sure that I don’t have enough for today. At first I thought it’s just my mind that is tired so I tried to condition myself and even ate something sweet to wake my happy hormones up but it didn’t work. Indeed, I’m physically tired and I am about to get sick. I kid myself by saying, “Is this the result of overthinking?” And maybe, yes. Stress could really lead to sickness.
And before I share to you little young ones why I’m stressed. Here’s a song for our Music Monday segment and this is one of my favorite song of Jessie J. Here’s “Who You Are?”
Oh well! Why am I stressed? Honestly, I’m really stressing myself too much lately. From the issues that I have with my mom, to my crazy concerns with my finances *my last pay is still not in and my payables are piling up*, my worries about the final decision from the hospital *will I get in?*, and of course finding a part-time job that could support my finances somehow. THESE! These things kept on bothering me over and over and over. I know that these concerns of mine aren’t so complicated compared to others but the fact that it brings so much burden and it affects me this much – this is still a problem.
I sometimes cry because my eyes felt like crying. I even wished to be lost in a place where problems and pain don’t exist. I wanted to kill time by sleeping. I kept on writing my thoughts too. I have always been the sensitive and emotional one. What hurts the people I love, doubles the pain that I feel. What bothers them, bothers me twice. And even though I tried not to but I couldn’t.
So today I am comforting myself with this song because I feel like singing it. This is what I am feeling right now. I am not okay. I feel like I haven’t done anything satisfactory, something that my Mama would be proud of just yet. I guess I am experiencing another round of twenty-something-girl-crisis. I’ve been self-loathing and self-pitying. What a mess right? For someone like me who loves to cheer other people, who likes to share good vibes and positive thoughts always to be so down like this. I’m sorry little young ones but I’m really not okay right now.
I’ll try to bounce back as soon as I can. For now, keep on doing the things that makes you happy and I promise to do whatever it takes to do same. I’ll be alright soon. My God’s bigger and that’s for sure.
I love you little young ones.
From Your Pandora ♥